Why Do People Lie?

Why people lie and how to deal with liars.

No one likes a liar, just as no one can ever feel truly comfortable around a smooth-talker who is quick to praise you.  Sure, you might enjoy hearing a little flattery, but then don't most people expect to be asked for a favor once they are "buttered-up"?  Isn't that something that parents are apt to pick up on when their children start being extra nice all-of-a-sudden?  It's funny how as adults, some people fail to realize how immature it makes them seem to their peers who can see through the ulterior motives.

Lies are like good intentions - both may sound good and save you out of a situation, but eventually you are accountable for them.  And when that happens, you are exposed and usually embarrassed.

No one wants to feel like a failure.  It is not part of human nature to want to be taken down a notch or two.  But yet it happens every day, and every day, people find ways to fight against this from happening - by lying their way through their actions, denying their responsibilities, and promoting themselves in place of others who may very well deserve to be or have something that is the object of a liar's motivation.

It takes a better person to admit defeat and move on, learning how to do something differently in order to avoid repeating a mistake.  An immature mind cannot grasp the concept of change, and instead devises new ways of being evil, often going to great lengths and pre-meditating complex plans in order to continue being the same way he or she has always been, just to get something.  

Why Lies Hurt

When you are lied to, you can't help feeling mad.  It shows that you had an error in judgment, that you were strung along.   Here again, embarrassment plays a part, but on your side, not just the liar's.  You want to think that you can trust your friends and loved ones without worrying that they are leading you astray.  You want to know that your opinions are valued and that you are respected.  Sometimes, that pressure can make a person want to do anything to please you, even lie if it means you are none the wiser.  What they call "little white lies" are still lies, even if it means you are keeping a person from having his or her feelings hurt. 

Reversing the Tables

Rather than voicing your opposition to an opinion, an action, or anything else that could make you want to lie to someone else, first ask yourself if you need to voice how you feel and if it really matters whether or not you ought to.  Many times, when people lie, it's because they feel obligated to do something because of unrealistic expectations we put on other people to make us happy.  Yet there are dishes that we might cook (sometimes badly) that our loved ones may detest, presents that we buy that are just not to the recipients' liking, and clothes that we wear that honestly make us look less than our best.  If the tables were turned, would you want someone to lie to you, just to make you feel better?  Or would you rather have honest feedback serve as constructive criticism so that you can further develop yourself and consequently your relationships with others?  So if you are ever in a situation where you feel tempted to lie, withhold your judgment (outwardly, at the very least), or attempt to share your view in a non-judgmental way in order to have the other person answer his or her own dilemma without feeling like you misled them or guilted them into making a wrong choice. 

A Word about Chronic Liars

We all know people who are "all talk" all the time.  They are the very same people to not trust.  Take everything they say with a grain of salt, limiting your interaction with them if at all possible, so as to avoid being caught in any of their snares.  If you find yourself surrounded by more liars than not, you may want to ask yourself if you are really being fair to yourself.  After all, while you deserve to be around positive people for the benefit of your health, no one is perfect - which means that there is always room for improvement within.  To overlook that fact is selfish in itself, so beware, left you become the very thing you detest - a liar.


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