Unhealthy Love Relationships

What to do in a violent relationship.

Love is a beautiful thing.  There are goosebumps and butterflies in your stomach.  Both people just want to do everything they can for each other.  Most of the time love can last and it stays beautiful, although different from the urgent original love that one gets.  There are few exceptions to this rule.  There are dangerous relationships, or just unhappy ones that should not continue. 

Dangerous relationships are those in which one partner is physically abused by the other.  The problems start small, maybe the aggressor begins asking questions about friends or where the other goes.  Then they look at your cell phone contacts and text messages.  When they have decided that you must be doing something wrong, insecure feelings of the aggressor is also a sign, then they will demand to have your email account passwords, they will begin stalking you either by phone or in person at your work and other places you may go.  But the potential abuse has not yet started.  The subordinate in this relationship gets annoyed but there is still a chance, right?  Well... maybe.  The aggressor, if he or she does not get what they want, they will then escalate to the next level:  breaking things.  Throwing computers, snapping cell phones in two, or other passive but violent acts.  There may be a couple kick or fist holes in the sheet rock.  Time to begin worrying.  The escalation has come to violence, albeit not to the partner.  This is only a matter of time.  An insecure and aggressive partner will continue to manipulate, and dominate in any way that they can.  This behavior can be stopped but it is hard.  Especially if the subordinate partner believes that they have done something to create this behavior.  

What to do:

  • First: do not believe that you are the problem.  You did not create the monster that is welling up inside of your partner.  Their imagination and insecurity have created the beliefs that exist in their mind.
  • Second: you cannot fix what you did not break.  Either find counseling help for both of you or just yourself if the violent partner does not agree.
  • Third: remove yourself from the situation.  Go spend time with family or friends.  It is dangerous to stay in the situation that is beginning.
  • Fourth: if you are concerned that your personal well being is in jeopardy, contact the local police and make a report.  They will write up the report and then if the problems escalate more they have already put his name on file and it will help your case.
  • Fifth: he will come looking for you.  Do not let him apologize his way back into your heart.  It is a plot many times and will only get you harmed when he or she gets you alone.  Don't trust the aggressor.  

Be aware that not all violent relationships stay that way.  Statistics will show, and personal perception will reinforce that once someone is an abuser they continue to be one.  This does not always apply.  If a person learned this behavior from parents or other adults while they were a child they may believe that it is acceptable.  Teaching this person otherwise is not impossible, but it is difficult, and you may need counseling to help you to find ways to change the behavior.  In any case, if you feel threatened, get out before it gets deadly.

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