How to Handle Personal Attacks by Understanding the Self-respect, Ego and Super Ego

how to handle difficult situations

In the householder’s life, it is a problem that the young and the wise ones may use maps for direction, but that anything said about emotional maturity seems to be a personal attack. The contrast or discerning between one’s self respect and self-interest seems to be a matter of huge prestige. One may consider it an issue related to self-respect, just because one is interested in that thing. As far as self-respect is concerned, it is the recognition of one’s existence as a soul, so in general most of the issues in the world do not belong to it. However, the self and soul differ in a great way.

You see, a mother can have many children, but cannot be mother of all humans; but for a child, it has only one mother, who gave it birth. We do not consider other concepts of mother in this Factoid. Now, mother is a soul and has a self. Her children are individuals and also have self and soul. They belong to one and she belongs to all of her kids. Her soul is the same for all and she tries to justify all as equal in all possible manners. Even then one or two children may say that she has a sense of partiality and biasing is obvious. She may never do it, but it happens.

Now, in society, it is normal that we cannot have mother present in everyone, caring for us. Then how can we manage it? Well, everything is not connected to self or soul. The self and soul deal with higher knowledge and wisdom. Our ego does not deal with self and or soul. So, the one, who usually gets hurt is expecting that on his or her EQ, the level of emotional maturity, others should not exercise their IQ.

We have a very easy way to deal with this problem; we may learn the concept of super ego, with which we defend our ethics and principles. These ethics and principles are universal and thus we never get hurt by thought, ideas, opinions and other ways of interaction and behavior of others. It helps that the natural or universal laws and principles are the same for all. These can resolve all conflicts in our daily life and thus life in general. We need to pay some attention to emotions and feelings.

You see, usually feelings are hurt as one uses his or her own IQ on the  IQ of others as expressed by others in the behavior that seems hurtful to the sufferer. If the one’s interest is interfered with by others, it the expressed opinion as it seems to others. The Desire and interest go in close relation, the interest follows the Desire. One’s self-given direction of interest to the Desire may interfere in others' personal lives. The overflowing river gets attention from others and they come to adjust the banks, not saying anything to the water of the river.

Now, the overflow of water is not blamed on the existence of water, but simply on its direction when breaking its banks. The self-respect is not taken as subjective issue as that of prestige, rather it is objective side of the issue where others opinion is about the direction of one’s overflow of emotions.

However, before moving forward it is important to note that any subject matter or issue, for consideration has two sides; namely the subjective and the objective sides. Like when we think that relevant thought in the mind, it is subjective, and once it is written down it becomes objective. Or the written thought we can react as a first, second and or third person; otherwise it is not fair to make our mind restless which from toe to top-works like a humble servant. It keeps on serving all the times, in return what can we give, or do?

We ever give it relaxation, sound sleep and rest. We need a few moments to see our body objectively as it is temple of God too. As IQ is for analyzing a thing, place or the person, as an observer, as being separated from the thing, but EQ is involving in the thing, place or person.

What a child is doing, the mother though seems busy but is very much involved in the child; it is EQ in execution. For a mother work is also important, so her IQ is in the work and attention, as EQ, is in the child. So a mother uses IQ and EQ simultaneously. This is the intellectual and emotional. However, the concept of the super ego needs attention because the spiritual maturity is not possible without it, as well as the social maturity. So, I recommend your reading more about it at:

The Id, Ego and Superego

Thanks for your reading it!


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Dr. Harmander Singh
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