Breaking Down the Habitual Liar
It is safe to say that we will all encounter a compulsive or habitual liar at some point in our life. It is important to know how to break the cycle and force the liar to come clean. Depending on the relationship or situation, you may be their only hope for change. Although breaking them down does not mean that there will be a permanent change, it is at least a start.
Exercise Patience This is the number one rule when dealing with a compulsive liar. They will convince you that you are crazy, and make you feel as though you need to walk around with a digital recorder. Don't let the liar see that they are getting to you. They are only pushing your buttons to get the spotlight off of themselves. Be patient, always. Walk away to cool down, then return and pick up where you left off. Often times the liar storms off when confronted with truth. When he/she returns confront him/her again. Keep repeating this process until they reach the point of breakdown.
Do Your Homework With a compulsive liar you must do your homework. Look at other situations this person has had similar to that of yours. Look at patterns, timing, actions, friends, social networks, and anywhere else necessary. The more you know, the more the/she will cave.
Interrogate You will likely feel like a P.I. when it is all said and done, but being persistent and using the interrogation process regularly will cause the liar to breakdown. Although there is no guaranteed length of time that it will take, eventually he/she will cave. Keep asking questions, confronting the lies, and pushing for information. Eventually their guilt will begin to eat at them, and they will open up.
Play The Wild Card At times, you may even need to pretend to know something. This is sometimes a necessary card to play, and it works like a charm.The liar has such a hard time keeping stories straight that you can sometimes convince them they told you something, and they walk right into telling the truth. It works pretty well, but must be used wisely.
Encourage Him/Her No matter how long it takes to break him/her down, the more you encourage him/her in a loving way the sooner he/she will come clean. If he/she senses anger, he/she will close up. You will then have to begin the entire process over if you truly are in search of truth. No matter how bad it hurts smile, and say "It's ok, I just want to help you. You know you will feel better if you just come clean. You know you want to. Just do it. Come on, do it!"
Walk Away If Necessary Often a compulsive/habitual liar is co-dependent. By walking away he/she will begin to experience the pain from the loss. During the bargaining phase he/she will likely begin to tell you things in attempt to mend the relationship. In some cases walking away is only temporary, but in others it may need to be permanent. Ultimately you must decide how much you can take.
A compulsive liar is hard to love, but if you are patient you may be the one person that can break the cycle. Stay strong, and be consistent.